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Archive for September 1st, 2007

Have you ever been to a celebration where everyone was slapping each other on the back and sharing in a common accomplishment but you had done nothing? Then you know how I feel on Labor Day. I haven’t labored; I’m retired. I refused to join a union when I was working. So where do I get off throwing hamburgers on the grill and popping a beer? Oh, I can celebrate the end of summer you say. I live in Florida. It will be 85 degrees in December. I feel like a Jew at Christmas. Maybe I’ll just go shopping.

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Come on, criminal types, you just aren’t trying.  Look at recent police logs. 

 “Someone scratched the paint on a car.”

 “Someone stole a cellular telephone from a car.”

 In the old days, the logs were much more entertaining.  Take, for instance, unlawful antics from  the Orlando Sentinel May 30, 1993.   Tell me they aren’t more interesting than today’s police blotter.              

Springs on a backyard trampoline were stolen.  You’ve got to wonder what the perpetrator plans with those.  Was he working on a BattleBot back then?            

A couple was accosted by a gunman who took $10 and a Bible from them.  Presumably he needed both.            

Someone stole 50 cents from an unlocked  car.    Anybody check the seat cushions?            

A woman reported that a man jumped into her car and drove off when she stopped to take a picture of a riverboat.  If she only had a picture of the car thief.            

Someone tried to break into a car with toothpicks.  Well, he’s cleared of possession of burglary tools.            

Someone stole a “No Trespassing” sign from a home and smashed four windows.  Handy little glass breaker they left in the yard.            

Someone stole 24 letters from a pawn shop sign.  Hey, nobody writes him anymore.            

People were behaving strangely toward each other back then, too.             A woman asked her husband to clean up his vomit from the floor and he refused.  Who served tofu burgers with radish sprouts?  Huh, who?            

Someone threw a telephone at another woman.  Judge, if the woman was talking on a cell phone and driving, I request all charges be dropped.            

All these criminal acts occurred in one week in 1993.  Does anything in today’s logs live up to them?  Where have all the stupid criminals gone?  I just may have to resort to crossword puzzles for entertainment if this keeps up.           

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