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Posts Tagged ‘Shopping’

Now I get it! My real connection to Steve Martin’s first movie, The Jerk.

So this was me today on a short shopping trip with a specific list. Checked first two off at grocery store, one at gas station. Good job. One item to go. On to Petco where rumor has it they carry safflower seed for wild birds. They did! And that was all I needed. That’s all—“except this catnip toy.”

So there I am an hour later walking through World Market, which happened to be right next door to Petco, saying, “This is all I need, this phony French wall clock — and this pack of brown rice. And that’s all I need. Oh, and this can of stuffed grape leaves, and that’s all I need. Oh, and this tea diffuser. Yes, that’s all I need.”

To my credit I wasn’t wearing a bath robe and shuffling along with my pants at my ankles. Image

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70sdress-001.jpg70sdress-0061.jpg(Click to enlarge)

Have you ever got that woozy feeling like Whoa! I’ve done this before, said the same thing before, and he’s going to say “———-” next,  and he does?  Then you know the feeling when I bumped into this dress in today’s paper. I carried the paper to a 70’s family collage hanging in the den and held them side by side. No sleeves in the ad dress, but otherwise the feel is exactly the same. I could wear that old dress out on the street tomorrow. Well, if I still had it and if it still fit. Save anything long enough it will come by again on the carousel of fashion — whether you want it to or not.

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I never get the memo. Do you ever feel that way? Take a trip to the grocery store. A pattern will appear about the third aisle. Sometimes every other shopper is well over six feet tall and I’m lost in a forest of belt buckles. No one tells me when it is Tall Day – or Bring Your Whole Family Day (that’s fun), or Learn Another Language Day, or Humongous Boob Day (sorry you missed it, guys). Then there’s Skinny Model Day (what are they doing around food?), Lovey Couples day, Grandma/Grandpa Day with lots of little wispy women looking as if they would blow away if the air vent poofed unexpectedly. Okay, that’s almost a fit for me except I’ve withstood a few hurricanes.

Did you get the memo about switching from mathematically to arithmetically? It was obviously new to talking heads on election night, too, because they sometimes had to correct themselves.

A few years ago the newspapers began to reverse the order of things that decreased and increased. No longer was it, “sales went from 2% per quarter to 6%.” Suddenly without warning they would say, “sales went to 6% per quarter from 2%.” That’s just not right. I’m sorry. Who stays up nights screwing with our minds like this?

Of course, I could just be one of those people who never gets the memo.

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